Posted on in Healing, Identity, Spirituality

Religious Deconstruction to Spiritual Synthesis

I was raised Christian. A statement that I used to believe meant I was part of an exclusive, unified group. I know better now. I’ve come to understand that my upbringing was far from normal and even quite different from the average Christian upbringing. I attended a private, Christian academy for elementary school. In Kindergarten, I learned my ABC’s by reciting Bible verses. My childhood was so old fashioned that I was spanked by the Principal on my first day of school for talking too much. Being silenced is a message I am still trying to heal from.

My entire adolescence and teenage years were guided by “Biblical, Christian” ideals. Christian music, Christian literature, Christian figures, pastors, and teachers all overshadowed the very limited “worldly” content I was exposed to. 

I wasn’t spared from living in the real world where growing up sucks and bad stuff happens. My parents did the best they could and their intentions were to protect me. Truthfully, my parents gave me religion but that religion gave me fear, doubt, shame, and anxiety from a variety of sources I was encouraged to trust. 

Conflict

I didn’t know how much conflict existed inside of me until I was a grown adult experiencing a lot of suffering. I can look back and see it but in the moment I just felt lost. It’s ironic, since my religion was supposed to make me “saved” and “lost” was what all the others were labeled. That was one of many contradictions I had to unravel.

Rarely, I can pinpoint who or what planted a certain belief in me. Mostly, it was the compound messages I received over and over again from many sources that stuck the deepest. There were handfuls of voices that echoed things like, “girls can’t wear pants or cut their hair,” “children and women shouldn’t speak,” “be seen but not heard,” “fulfill your duties as a woman,” “don’t question authority,” the layers of how to properly be submissive, the very distinct roles of men and women, what constitutes value in human life, and so much more. 

My greatest conflict came through marriage. I married young, quick, and naive to a narcissistic man who wanted control. I only wanted to be a good wife and mother. My greatest fear was failing at those things. When things got really bad in the marriage, he suddenly “found God” and quickly became very religious. Not the kind of religion that a person takes personally for growth and reflection; rather the kind that gives a man power over a woman and total control of his own universe “because God said so.” I wish I could say I saw the light and knew he was in the wrong, but all that training about authority, submission, and the sanctity of marriage left me drowning in pain and heartbreak while I constantly tried to be good enough. The fear of going to hell for not obeying, for ending up in a divorce, or for thinking bad thoughts, kept me paralyzed for many years. 

The Breakdown

One day I stopped believing in hell, and my whole life changed. This wasn’t a sudden change or flippant decision. It took years to digest and finally embrace. A couple years after getting married and shortly after having my first baby, I decided to go to college. I spent the next decade in college earning degrees and consuming everything I could learn. I changed majors a couple of times, finished an associates degree while single-handedly raising babies, and then decided to go deep. I chose a Christian University because at that time I still saw my own identity as primarily Christian. Also, I had decided to study Psychology which was taboo and discouraged in the Christian community and so getting a Bible degree seemed to even that out. The more I learned about the Bible the shakier my faith became. My foundation had some solid bricks held together by crumbling modern ideas and interpretations that just didn’t match up. I asked professors hard questions and learned so much that contradicted what I had thought I knew. It wasn’t until grad school that I started to actively change my beliefs. I remember hitting this moment where I realized that I had openly accepted all the beliefs I had been handed and let other people shape my faith and my reality. I had to figure out “What do I believe?” That’s one hell of an existential crisis to have in your late 20s while your world unravels around you. By then, the marriage was really bad and the abuse was evident. People were starting to notice things but I was still fighting for my soul and living controlled by fear.

One day I got involved with a Bible study full of people like me; people with high education, deep insight into scripture, and a lot of honest questions on a search for truth. That group dissected the Biblical narrative of hell and we all came to see that the common belief isn’t Biblical at all and hell as Hollywood portrays it just simply isn’t real. I remember the moment this clicked for me and what was actually in front of me broke through the veil of deception I had been under my whole life. It would be many months before I felt confident in my study and understanding and even years for me to outwardly embrace this. That fear instilled in childhood runs deep. 

Once the concept of hell settled for me and I formed my own belief, I realized I could do this for everything I thought I knew. I could study things out for myself and decide what to accept or reject and adopt as my own faith.

Rebuilding a New Foundation

My deconstruction started by taking tricky ideas and hard topics and fleshing them out until I had peace about the answers I reached. At a certain point, I decided I needed more balanced ideas. I realized that the multitude of topics I had avoided my entire life because they were deemed bad or unsafe by Christian “experts” were actually open and available to me to form my own opinions on. I started small, researching, reading, and studying things that had interested me but were off limits. I still had a largely Christian lens that made me overanalyze a lot. I was in a weird place where my faith looked nothing like it once did but I didn’t fully discard my backstory beliefs either. There were some things I completely rejected but some things I still fully embraced. I was in the space in between words or ideas where it’s hard to communicate exactly what is going on inside of you. So I kept some foundational bricks but started collecting stones that made sense. I was able to embrace some things I had never experienced before and I started to see the amazing parallels that run between all things. I remember feeling sad that I had missed so much of the world yet excited that I could now choose for myself. I rebuilt a foundation I could trust to hold me. I say rebuilt because it wasn’t new construction. I didn’t discard everything but I was able to improve upon what I had to work with. 

Steady Growth

As is nature, slow, steady growth is the healthiest kind. I wanted a reality that has strong roots- given time and care to grow stable. Over the course of a decade, I curated what I believe in an evolution of thought that shifted me well outside of the pretty box of norms. Once upon a time, as a Christian, I believed that all things are black and white, and that I had to know the truth without a doubt. Now, I believe in openness and space for growth and change. I believe truth takes various forms and it’s not all the same but it is attainable. I believe that I can be wrong and it’s not a flaw or imperfection that will reduce my value or rob me of good things. 

Somewhere along the journey, synthesis began, and for me it’s not an end I seek but a continual merging of all things. I started with a box I had to force myself to fit into. I pulled that box apart and discarded the damaged pieces while holding onto the good structure that remained. I collected new ideas and reassembled a very different structure that looks nothing like a box, but more like a wild garden that is well rooted and still growing. I realized that being open to developing as a person is so much more important than having the right answer. I also realized that sharing in the community of humanity, adding love to the world, taking care of yourself and others, being accountable for doing more good and less harm, and creating peace are essential elements of all faiths that underline what real truth should look like. I don’t make decisions anymore based on “will this make a God mad?” but rather, will this add value to my life, others, or the world? The world is full of bad stuff but it’s also full of beauty.

Posted on in Healing, mindset, Success

Perspective is Powerful

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor? One views the offence as destructive and insurmountable, while the latter views the offence as an experience requiring coping and healing. Some situations can be a catalyst for change and growth in one person and yet can be an excuse for faltering in another. As I search for answers and a tangible path forward in the realm of healing, I look for tools that can turn a victim into a survivor. Possibly the most powerful tool I have ever encountered is perspective.

There is a saying that I quote a lot, “Everything you need is already inside of you.” There are various individuals whom that statement is attributed to, with a variety of different wording choices. I consider it public domain because it is a simple and timeless understanding that I believe to be part of the greater unconscious wisdom humanity carries. I remember the first time I heard that statement. It was spoken directly to me, in response to a situation I was facing, as a sort of answer on how I would overcome the obstacles I was facing. I can recall several other occasions of which that statement was repeated as a sort of confirmation that I was on the right path. Once I understood the power of perspective, that idea that all I need is inside of me became illuminated in a new way. Perspective is mine, an internal representation of what is happening in my environment.

First, we have perception. If conscious understanding is a two-way street, perception is the information coming in, while perspective is the information going out. We perceive the world around us through experience. The angle from which we see, the pieces we hear, process, and understand, and all the analytical data our minds can grasp form a perception. Our physical senses collect the data but our internal environment filters how we read it. A loud bang in a public space can be a curious occurrence, something exciting, or something terrifying, depending on the filter it is perceived through.

Then, whatever we have perceived and processed becomes projected through our perspective. One person, who has trauma involving gunshot, might have the perspective that the bang is a threat, or at the least an inappropriate action, and feel a proper response it to leave or escape the environment. Another person, who has worked in a factory and is desensitized to loud sounds from a loading dock, might barely register the bang and act as if nothing happened. A young child with no negative experience and no life experience involving loud sounds might become curious and look for the source of the noise to learn more about it. There is a valuable bit of wisdom in this example; the experience does not have the same power as the perspective which is formed around it.

What if changing your perspective could change your whole life, for the better? Would you want that outcome? If I told you that changing your perspective is a growth process, it does not come easily, but you are absolutely capable of success, would you invest in the process? Your answer to that question reveals your perspective about your inherent value. Yes, you are worthy of loving yourself and having the peace and abundance you desire. Your value is not in question, but maybe your perspective needs a tune up. Let’s fix that together.

Photo by Anthony DeRosa

If you found value in this article and would like to start a journey with life coaching, click here to send me a message.

Posted on in embodiment, Spirituality, trauma

Who Is Allowed To Touch You?

Certainly, you have experienced human energy. The shift when someone enters the room; either lighting it up or bringing it down. A person’s mood can cause a domino effect. The words we speak project our energy out into the environment, affecting those who receive them. Human energy is vital, alive, penetrating, and of great consequence. Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows how a person affects a partner, for better or for worse. Those aren’t just empty vows. They are an energetic covenant which binds the intentions and actions of two souls together.

Even the small, daily, and passive actions cause shifts in the environment, including the people in it. It is important to be aware of what energy is affecting us and to proactively protect our own energy. An observation, most people are oblivious to energy exchange and go along being affected without the awareness to choose how to interact with other people’s energies. Our body language communicates the subtleties that we feel even when unaware. Sometimes we create distance when we are uncomfortable or cross our arms in a protective stance. If someone has positive, attractive energy, we may feel drawn to be closer to them or even touch them.

It’s important to realize that every person whom you allow to make physical contact with you is either drawing from your energy or depositing their own energy onto you, sometimes both. It affects your energy, your mental function, and even your physical body in some direct ways. Be wise, consider your own wellbeing. Learn ways to energetically protect your mind and body. Decide who may touch you, when, and how. Remember how powerful your own energy is and nurture it.

Posted on in Healing, Identity, Spirituality

Blooming with Deep Roots

Envision a beautiful flower; a deep, radiant shade of purple, with sturdy, full petals, a thick, hearty stem, and roots reaching deep into the soil, able to withstand any storm. See it as a plump bud being kissed by the springtime sun. As the rainy season ends, the sun comes close and wraps it’s light all around, nudging it to awaken. The petals take a deep breathe, opening wide, falling against one another, in a magnificent display of beauty, resilience, and purpose. A flower may blossom many times as it grows, starting to unfurl and showing glimpses of what it someday will be. Then, when fully developed and in its prime, that flower will bloom and fulfil it’s purpose of supporting life, creating new life, and bringing pleasure to the world around it.

The analogy of blooming with deep roots is one that resonates with me and my spiritual journey. In this season, I am blooming, fully rooted, resilient, and ready to fulfil my purpose. It was around 12 years ago that I began working as a spiritual coach and mentor. This preceded my start as a counselor and therapist, and ultimately, it’s what I came back to. Over the past 20 years, I have had mentors of my own from a variety of backgrounds and viewpoints. I have learned to value diversity of opinion and admire the way that many sources confirm the same truths. As a child, I was raised in a variety of religious settings rooted in Christianity. Even at a young age, I had evident spiritual gifts; knowledge, discernment of spirits, dreams/prophecy, and healing. As I have gone through my life journey, I have come to understand my gifts and embrace my potential. In fact, I love helping others to find their passions and live out their purpose as well.

I’ve learned that there are many names for the same things, depending on the culture that is defining it. You might accept that I’ve had prophetic dreams and spiritual knowledge, or you might understand it as clairvoyance, extrasensory perception, or say that I am an Empath. Any of those descriptions are accurate to what I experience. Regardless of the semantics, I have been using my spiritual gifts to help others for many years. I’ve helped people navigate their shadows and overcome trauma. I’ve facilitated physical and emotional healing. I’ve given guidance through deep processing, providing insight, and building up confidence through encouragement because of what I perceive. I’ve found a variety of tools to be helpful and as a lifelong student, I believe in sharing from an abundance of resources that provide support beyond my connection with someone.

I meet with people in dark places, in uncertainty, and with needs that require a kind of intimate knowing to grow through. We thrive in connection. We heal through connection. Even as I myself am healing parts of me, I have so much to offer others who are going through the places I’ve been. After all, I must heal myself if I am ever to help heal another. That is a life experience I have plenty of. Be Blessed.

Photo by Billel Moula

Posted on in Identity, Spirituality

The Woman with a Message

It was Mother’s Day, and I decided what I needed was a little spiritual healing. I chose to visit one of my favorite shops for something to light up my soul. There I met a woman with a message for me. From the very first exchange, she spoke words that were familiar to me; things I’ve been hearing a lot lately. She confirmed deep feelings I’ve been carrying. Some of it shined a bright spotlight on what I’ve been struggling with, revealing a need to let go, forgive, and move forward into blessings. Some of it spoke to my life purpose, which I am intimately aware of, and my deep need to embrace my confidence and do what I am meant to do. The thing is, I have been holding onto some old ideas, some expired dreams, and some parts of my past that simply aren’t meant to move with me into the next chapter of this life.

She saw my blocked voice and my hesitation to speak. Ironically, she is not the first person to point this out to me. It’s a message I’ve been dancing with for some time. She connected it to my purpose as a spiritual teacher. No less ironic, she is not the first person to boldly proclaim this calling in my life without knowing a thing about me other than my present energy. I’ve had a handful of guides over the years tell me directly that I am a spiritual teacher and healer. I know this with a certainty in my bones that it’s as much of who I am as the color of my eyes. Even my eyes reveal my destiny.

The most profound part of her message was how she honed in on my gift of writing, the fact that I’ve been stuck and not writing, and the intense need I have to write and share my story as part of my purpose and path as a healer. I’ve danced with this gift for years, writing for fun and education. I’ve worked on books that have never made it much farther than my fingertips. I experience great confidence and also great insecurity about the vulnerability of publishing my own mind. Yet, on a sunny May afternoon, I was brought to a woman with a message for me, which was that I am a woman with a message that needs to be shared. So here I am, taking the first step in a new direction, and telling the story of my own life.

Posted on in Healing, Identity, Personal Thoughts, Spirituality

Remembering a True Identity

My mother told me, “You never lost your identity. You just forgot who you are for a little while.” A shift happened in my mind. The sense of being lost, like a dense fog, slightly lifted and suddenly there was a little bit of the road visible underneath. It felt easier to take a step, although I still didn’t know exactly where I was heading.

Identity can come from many things. We assume roles and if we are not steady in our awareness, those roles become what we believe we are. How often, when asked who we are, do we claim the identity of our roles; I am a mother, a writer, a wife, or a counselor. Which roles we highlight might depend on who the audience is which we are entertaining. In a business meeting, I am not likely to first say I am a mother. Likewise, in a social event full of women who are mothers, I am not likely to first label my career. The trouble herein comes from how fluid roles can be and therefore our identities become unstable. Deep insecurity might lead to an identity that labels us as hobbies, or religion, or sexual preferences.

When life shifts and we are shaken, an identity built on roles can come crashing down. I assumed a primary identity of ‘Wife’ for two decades, more than half of my life. That role was so important to me. It was essential to my self esteem that my functioning in that role defined my success and my value. I absorbed the multitude of messages from the culture and society around me about the role as wife and what it meant. So, when that role came to an end and I was facing the reality of divorce, I felt lost, confused, and lacking something that had become a large part of me. The loss of the relationship did not affect me at this point nearly as much as the loss of that role and title. For many years, the relationship had been gone. There was no substance left, only roles to fill. I had toiled through the slow death of the relationship and moved through deep grief many years prior. At a certain point, I resigned to going through the motions and fulfilling my duties as a wife. mother, and homemaker. I did a damn good job at my “jobs” and so even despite receiving no love or support, I was able to immerse myself in the work of being what I believed I needed to be. This was a self-laid snare that kept me trapped in a toxic situation far beyond when I should have let it end.

Then one day, while nurturing my spirituality, I was given a glimpse of a truth that gave me a sense of home. Talking about spiritual gifts, I heard someone say, “As you encounter something new that feels familiar and resonates deeply within you, you are simply remembering. Remembering who you are, and remembering the wisdom that’s been buried deep within you all along.” This took me back to the discovery that “Everything you need is already inside you.” Then my mother gave me the same message. I was never really lost, I just needed to remember. I am not a wife, but everything that made me a good wife is who I am. As in every possible role, we are not the title we carry, but the substance of what we pour into the job at hand. Roles change and end, but the person within the role is a steady and constant embodiment of attributes whose value is unchanging regardless of where she is positioned at any given moment.

So, if you are feeling lost, disconnected, or lacking, it’s time to remember who you are.

Posted on in Uncategorized

An Interview with a Reiki Master

Kayla Miller-Crea
Owner of Simply Suite

This month, as I am sharing about Reiki, I want to introduce you to a friend and mentor, Kayla. I have a great amount of respect for Kayla as a fellow business owner and Reiki Master. Kayla gave me my first Reiki session and encouraged me to pursue the practice for myself. The following is a conversation exchanged between us that holds valuable insight into her thoughts about energy healing.

What was the reason you became a Reiki Master?
To heal myself and help others.
What is one thing you wish more people understood about energy healing?
That spiritual /energy work on yourself is just as important as exercise for your body.
Tell us about your style of Reiki or what is unique to your practice?
I am a Usui Reiki Master (Since 2007) who specializes in Trauma and Grief. I became a certified Existential Life Coach in 2022, so now I blend Reiki and Life Coaching to help people overcome their trauma.
Do you believe that Reiki/ energy healing can change the world? If so, how?
Absolutely! By being the best version of ourselves, vibrating high vibration by LIVING such frequencies like Joy, Bliss, Authenticity, and happiness. When our perception of reality is based in fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, these are low vibration. As we heal ourselves, one by one we raise the overall vibration of our connected consciousness around the world.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with this audience?
The thing that make up everything are actually made of nothing. – The atoms / molecules that create our physical world are actually only >1% matter. The rest is mostly energy! We are literally energy beings.

If you are in the Lima, Ohio area and would like to connect with Kayla, check out her facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/SimplySuiteSalon419

Posted on in Healing, Identity, Spirituality

Healing Hands

“You have healing hands.” It was one of the first compliments I received after giving a massage. It is still one of the greatest compliments I receive and one that I hear with some regularity. I understood this to mean that I have natural skills in bodywork. I also understood this as a way to communicate that I had done something impactful for my client. Still, at times, I have seen this in a more literal unfolding. Sometimes physical things move into repair, or healing, due to the physical manipulations of bodywork. However, sometimes emotional things are healed through touch or the exchange of energy that happens in a bodywork session. I have witnessed the improvement in mental health, the resolution of difficult emotional blocks, the restoration of the body in improved motion or removal of pain and disorder. So much healing happens when healthy touch and positive intention are placed into the same being.

Spiritual gifts do not require labels, titles, certifications, categories, or organized paths to manifest into reality. Rather, our gifts are an essential part of our identities and add definition to who we are. The magnetism of my energy, the potential of my touch, my dreams and manifest destiny, all showed through from my early childhood in my personality and the ways I interacted with the world around me. I believe this is true for everyone. Who you are, apart from the labels and roles you might pick up, will be exactly how you show up from the innocence of early consciousness.

As we go through life, we acquire knowledge, skills, identifiers, materials, and connections that help to communicate who we are and how we operate within the systems of the world. I’ve explored the world through this lens in many ways, collecting quite the array of qualifications to help paint a picture of who I am and what I can do. Healing, especially in the category of Energy Healing, can be a difficult concept to communicate because it is so much an experience rather than a segregated idea. I have learned, studies, applied, and adopted a number of different concepts and applications of energy healing over the years. This month, I am taking a focus on one in particular that I’ve never specifically talked about at length; Reiki. Now you know a little about my understanding and belief about spiritual gifts. Stay connected for what’s to come about this amazing technique.

Photo by Arina Krasnikova
Posted on in Personal Thoughts, Spirituality

The Energy of Autumn

The leaves are changing. Have you noticed? Here in the midwest, the green ocean of corn and beans has started turning golden as harvest time approaches. The overwhelming backdrop of green that came from spring and brought summer is fading into the multi-color, breathtaking beauty of autumn’s renewal. There is so much about this season that I love.

To know me, you must know that I am an autumn child and the ‘Ber months are my heart’s home. Each year I feel as though this season brings new light, new perspective, and new illuminated truths. It is the most spiritual time of the year, not only for me but for the world. We see it in the reflection of fake spirituality that pops up for the coming holidays. Underneath the mask, so much beauty exists.

This year, my revelation has to do with energy. Broadly, most people know and accept that life gives energy. We eat living foods for nourishment because we need the energy they give. Plants emit life giving energy. The sun showers us with energy. Human contact exchanges energy. Words spoken are full of energy, creative and destructive. The energy of growth supports life in the physical world. What I see all around me now is how the descent of what we call death also gives energy. Often, we look at death as a loss and as something that pulls energy out of life. Ol’ Albert told us that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed. I think he had this revelation too, in some form. I see the transition of living energy into spiritual energy. As the physical world around us embraces death, the spiritual world is coming alive! Can you see it?

Posted on in Personal Thoughts, Spirituality

Pt 4: Breaking Through the Surface

Like a baptism of the soul, as the dawn broke, she rose up from the brokenness with a new spirit in power. Her soul was cleansed in the fire, her body was cleansed in the blood, the reality of the power of her intention appeared in fullness, echoing assurance through her entire being. She is whole. She lacks nothing. She knows that love is alive in her.

In the darkness of a new moon, she set an intention to move through the transition, breaking her grip on the past and opening her arms wide towards the potential. In that shadow of the moon, she called out to the breathtaking, beautiful, divine feminine. As they came face to face, eye to eye, she saw her own reflection looking back at her, smiling in a wordless language that said, “You are enough. You possess all that you will ever need. Everything You desire is called to you by your thoughts, your intention, and your spoken declaration in love. Peace is at home in You. I am Yours, and You are Mine. Never forget who you are, who you came from, and where you are going.”

With confidence and poise, she lit each candle. She watched as they burned away what no longer served her. The transforming power of the flame dissipated something seen into something unseen, breaking loose every force in the universe to conspire for her good. She laid her head to rest with a peace unspeakable. She woke to the morning light with confirmation that her heart is pure, and her future is secure.